Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Temptation in the corporate workplace...

Business Casual is the name, controlling my libido is the game. If done well, business casual is the sexiest style of dress there is. The dress shirts with the ties, the slacks(men), the hip hugging pencils skirts, low cut tops, and hella cute pumps.. It's a fucking trap, in my opinion. They say "Ohhhh, you have to wear this and that because regular attire is inappropriate and distracting", but I mean, you tell me what's sexier; a man in his regular khaki shorts, tee shirt, and some tennis shoes- or a man in a dress shirt, slacks, and a tie? Option B, or option B? There's something about a good looking man in a suit that just sends my mind to the dirtiest section of the gutter. It reminds me of success, money, and scandal. Once I throw on my 3 inch heels, I'm automatically 10x more scandalous than I am on an off day. I love it, but it's extremely distracting. My already overactive libido goes freaking nuts if I come across a 9 or 10 at work(although it's not like there's a bunch of those at my place of employment). My mind flashes back to all those hot office scenes either in movies or porn, where the sexy boss calls an employee into the office, and then they just start fucking on the table or something...not that I'd want any of that to happen with my boss. Seriously.

Me + my undying addiction to scandal does not = a wholesome workplace. I may or may not have a few dirty secrets;)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Hello again!

I'm back! After several months of madness, I've come to a place where I have enough idle time to start blogging again. I've dropped out of high school, dropped my boyfriend of a year, got my GED, started my college thing, and gained about 10 lbs. Sweet. I've lost some followers, I see ): Hopefully, I can reel some bitches back in real soon.

Anyway- what's been on my mind lately is why I've been single for quite a few months (well, single for 3 months, and in a halfway open relationship for 5, if you know what I mean), and I haven't come across a guy that can keep my attention for longer than a week. Call me picky, but there seems to be no man left without an unforgivable flaw.

1. Horrible fashion sense.

One thing I just cannot deal with is a guy who either has horrible taste in clothing, or just doesn't care about what they wear. My favorite offenders are the guys with the "I'm a dude so I can just throw on whatever and it's cool" attitude. You know, the ones who are usually in a tee-shirt with some 'clever' caption and some basketball shorts? It's cool to be uh, comfortable, but if you're older than 16, you need to step it up a bit. And then you have the guys who just have awful taste (see photo). Plaid pants, leather jackets with the fur, spandex tight pants, mullets, crocs...STOP IT.

2. Bad breathe/yellow (or discolored) teeth
WHY is this such a common problem?! I can't tell you how many times I've started talking to guys who seemed like the total package; good looks, decent taste in clothes, sweet, funny, etc... and then they breathe close enough for me to get a whiff of their god given air, and my nostrils are cursed out, punched in the face, and just generally assaulted. Deal breaker! If you can't manage to brush your teeth in the morning, how good can the rest of your hygiene be? I don't care how good looking the man may be.

3. They talk either way too much (usually about shit I could care less about), or they talk too little.

4. They make the initial "chase" into more of a stalk fest
Women like to know that you're interested, but stalking totally kills your appeal. The last guy I got semi interested in was sweet, but a bit too sweet. Blowing up my phone, his constant (CONSTANT) presence, the showered (and cheesy) compliments...I need a man, not a new pet.

5. They're overly cocky.
Ugggggggggh. Don't get me wrong, I love confidence-love it. But there's a fine line between confidence and just being a douchebag. If he's spending more time than I do looking at reflective surfaces-there's a problem. And there's nothing more embarrassing than taking your guy out to meet your friends, and then having to sit through him boasting to everyone about how 'fly' his wardrobe is, or how he's "'bout to blow up".

6. A small d***
It's like a lesbian without any fingers, or a tongue. I can't deal! You can't stay in a monogamous relationship with someone if they're not um, satisfying you properly. Men have it so easy. Women have vaginas. All of us-you find a girl and I guarantee you that she'll have one. That's really all a man needs to reach the 'O'. But it's a tad different for us girls. Yeah, all guys have d's, but not every guy is blessed with one good enough to satisy. Sorry to bruise any already small egos, but nothing ruins a relationship like a tiny yank. I refuse to even try.

7. He's a player/ladies man
This one's pretty obvious. They're liars, cheaters, womanizers...what the hell do you need me for if you've already got a list of ready and willing hens? No thank you.

Alls I want is a good looking, sweet, respectful, charismatic, clean, tall, loyal, confident, man with a decent sized d and some business about him.

Is that too much to ask?

There's actually someone whose got a tight hold on my attention at the moment, believe it or not. But this all still generally applies<3